ART

OK – Girls night – And I’m gonna start off by saying this – If the girls, according to the ‘judges’ are the best of the season . . . . Then it’s gonna be one crappy season and tonight when the guys perform will really suck!!

The next three weeks will be Billboard Chart hits.

Ryan – Black shirt, black pants, plaid gray tie (told ya’ll plaid was back) – he looked like he got dressed one minute before the show started. Did you notice his belt was not centered like it should be the entire length of the show! Drove me nuts! Dork!

I never noticed before what huge ears Ellen has – must be that gawd awful haircut. . . . And with all her money you’d think she could afford a good stylist and not go to the Wal-Mart salon.

Paige Miles – ‘It’s All Right Now’ – All black, black mini short kinda frock, black tights, and a big ole silver ugly sash type of thang . . . . Where the hell do these people shop? She started out rough, got bad in the middle and continued along that path until the end. Sucked! The judges of course loved it. What are they trying to do . . . . Convince us? What are they hearing that I’m not? I don’t get it!

Ashley Rodriguez – ‘Be Happy’ – Wish she would have worn her hair down – she has beautiful hair and she’s a pretty girl but it stops there. Gold jacket, white shirt and black tight, tight pants, Shoes were kickin! Bad song choice for her and did not show her voice off, I think she may have a little potential but I am being generous (only because I’m having a pretty good hair day!) Overall it’s a big ole . . . . NEXT!

Janelle Wheeler – ‘What About Love’ - Purple one shoulder (never have been a fan of the one shoulder shirts – looks like it was never finished) with this big ole padded shiny thing on the shoulder and tight, tight black pants (musta had one hell of a sale on them pants cause you see them a lot tonight – even in gray!!) . . . . It looked totally second class. Huge Heart fan so don’t go messing with their songs unless you can sing them. (Janeen can totally do their stuff – I know, I’ve heard her – awesome!) Not good people! I can see both Ann and Nancy grabbing the paddles to get their hearts started back from where she murdered that song! I’ll give it a score of . . . . SUCKED – just like the first girl!

Lily Scott – ‘Fixin A Hole’ – (I love that tile!) - Green ugly halter style dress – I mean just down right ugly – no other word to describe it! She said she use to live out of her car . . . . musta been a 70’s model and that dress was left stuck in the back seat. Her hair looked like baby doll hair that had been chopped up by some sadistic kid! I’ll ask the question again . . . . What am I not hearing? The judges loved it – it was OK but a total no blower and didn’t fix a damn thing for me!

Katelyn Epperly – ‘Oh Darling’ – The black pleather dress was kinda cool but she screwed it up with all the accessories. The black feather made her look like she was molting, black patterned hose and that red, red lipstick just tackied the whole thing up! I do love her hair though. She did OK but that’s all I’m giving it is just an OK. She totally needs to work on her stage presence – ya know, like getting some!

Haley Vaughn – ‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand’ - This chick has got a lotta lip – in more ways than one! All white with a big ole red guitar – white fluffy dress, white shoes, white tights and a (looked like a dead rabbit) head band sorta thang – she looked like the evil ice princess. She sounded like a cartoon character on crack the entire time. I actually covered Rusty’s ears on that one – poor dog, cause I know if that hurt my ears, his were really hurtin! Did not like this girl from the beginning, didn’t like her in the Hollywood round and still don’t like her – she totally cannot sing – give it up already and go back to the ice cave!

Lacy Brown – ‘Landslide’ – I don’t think I have ever actually seen anybody take a picnic tablecloth and wrap it around their body and wear it in public before . . . . until now. She topped it off with a big ole K-Mart, grandma section belt and there is them tight, tight black pants that were on sale that everybody bought. Lacy, Lacy, Lacy . . . . All I can say about her performance is I so hope Stevie doesn’t hear that because if she does, she’s headed back to the coke! I almost needed a snort just to get that outta my mind! Big Stevie fan – don’t mess with my Stevie!

Michelle Delamor – ‘Fallen’ – Cute black silk shirt with the little frill around the top and the bottom of that shirt was totally kickin! Here’s the tight, tight black pants that everybody has – only she got um in gray! Those low black boots were sweet and her hair was cake! This is the first one of the night that I actually thought gave a good performance and can actually blow. I started to see a small glimmer of hope but unfortunately . . . . It faded.

DiDi Benami – ‘The Way I Am’ – Crocheted lookin kinda vest with a black mini dress and Capri tight black pants. The 70’s will never leave us people – they are totally here to stay – that’s fine with me – I’m still livin like it was the 70’s – I’ll just leave it at that! I think she has a good voice but I didn’t feel this one at all – it left me . . . . Confused. Agree with what the ‘judges’ said – no star power there.

Siobhan Magnus – ‘Wicked Game’ – Black vest style dress with the frilly slip thing showing at the bottom and OMG! – Them shoes were so awful! Totally would not have picked that song for her. She had a few parts in there that I thought were OK but have totally already forgot what and when they were. She is totally out there! Totally needs to work on the personality! After she talked I only had one question in my mind . . . . Chick, are you high?

Crystal Bowersox – ‘Hand In My Pocket’ – Black jacket, grey shirt, black jeans – it fit her personality and honestly don’t know what else she could pull off – so for her, it was ah-rite. I totally hate that hair! It looks so dirty! She did look a little different with makeup on but not necessarily in a good way. I was hoping she would do better than she did – it wasn’t bad and she showed she can play the guitar and play the harmonica at the same time (big deal, I can lift weights and think at the same time – finally!) but it wasn’t a standout performance (hell, nobody was a standout performance tonight!). I’ll give it a, tolerable.

Katie Stevens – ‘Feelin good’ Black short strapless dress, red sash with a big ole bow, red shoes and a red headband – and pageant earrings. All of it a total miss! Now she thought she was knocking that outta the ball park didn’t she! She yelled most of it and TOTALLY agree with Simon – it was annoying! Song was way too old for her – she’s only 16. Need to pick more age appropriate songs if she makes it any further and I hope not cause she, like Haley, is already on my last nerve.

To sum up – The only ones that I liked to a degree was Michelle followed by Crystal . . . . And that’s it.

It leaves me puzzled to think that out of the thousands and thousands of people that auditioned for this show that we are hearing the ‘cream of the crop’ that America has to offer . . . . hmmmmmm . . . . If this don’t get any better – even I may miss a few episodes . . . . .

We’ll see if the guys can liven things up tonight. Hope so!

DJ JumperART President