Wednesday, May 25, 2011
The last show of the season and the winner is announced. This season did fly by! Is there really any reason for this show to be 2 freakin hours? Oh I know! FRIGGIN COMMERCIALS! And of course we have Mr. Dufus in another tux. I bet it was the same one he had on last night. This dude will never change (his clothes or anything else!) He keeps talking about all these voting records being broke. What he doesn’t say is that of course there is no cap on the number of times someone can vote. I still don’t believe the numbers. Scotty and Lauren are all dressed in white – they do this every year. For the first number they have the top 13 singing ‘Born This Way’ by GaGa. They are all in white as well for the usual cheesy choreographed number. But all in all when they are all put together they didn’t sound too, well, not all that great. I missed James’s performance – had to eat again. I missed Drama Queens performance on purpose! Now we got Casey singing ‘Flat Bottom Girls’ with Jack Black. Both of them dressed in gray suits with white shirts and black skinny ties. I approve. That was OK. Just OK. Next up all the ladies of the top 13. They be singing ‘Put A Ring On It’ They are all dressed up in red and black and all of um lookin fine! As far as the performance – it was OK. Didn’t blow me away. However when Beyonce walked out – now there is a different story! She’s so hot! And singing ‘Crazy Right Now’ – To sweet! Haley is singing with Tony Bennett – ‘Steppin Out’ – She’s in a black and silver sweet short dress, hair down and all fine! She looks hot! OK, the dude that was jumpin all over the stage – don’t know who that was but he was just ridiculous! So far this whole show is like ‘American Idol Losers Meets the Make-A-Wish Foundation Variety Hour’. Don’t think it’s gonna get any better. Now we got Scotty and Tim McGraw singing ‘Live Like You Were Dying’. Now there’s a pick me upper! That’s the song they chose to sing? Every time I hear that song – makes me want to open a vein. Couldn’t listen to it – Told Rusty to let me know when it was over. Ryan keeps saying that this is the best talent that America has to offer. Well, the economy is in the crapper and so is the talent – guess everything is going down. So Marc Anthony is going to treat us – Makes sense – you get to sing if you’re married to one of the judges. The only thing that he’s done that I liked was ‘Maria’. He ain’t done anything to impress me since and tonight is no exception. Two seconds into his performance I tuned out. Never thought I’d be glad for the commercials to come back but they are more entertaining at this point. Next the top 13 guys are singing a melody of songs and all dressed in black. Appropriate that they are dressed all in black – nuff said. Just looked at the clock – it’s 9:12. Only 48 more minutes to go! Whoa! Tom Jones done got all gray. How old is that dude? Hold on. OK, Just looked it up – He’s 70. So, OK. Now when Scotty and Lauren gave the keys to a new car to their teachers – Now that was cool! Best part of the show so far. And next we have GaGa singing ‘On The Edge’ – I have no idea what she’s on when she comes up with all of these costumes but I’d be willing to give it a try! Wish I had it now! Just looked at the clock again – its 9:26. Lauren starts off singing ‘Before He Cheats’ and out walks out Carrie! She looks amazing in an off the shoulder silver flashy shirt and white hot pants! Carrie, not Lauren. And we continue with Bono to keep filling up the time. That whole thing was just weird with Spiderman. Now it’s 9:48. Hold on now – The show just got good! Steven Tyler is singing ‘Dream On’. Now that was awesome! He ended it to freakin early! But so far THAT was the best part of the Variety Hour. Well they are still playing commercials and my PC and my phone say that it is 10:01. As usual they have added to much damn fluff! For the big announcement Lauren chooses to wear a yellow prom dress – She looked like Big Bird. Scotty is in a gray jacket, white shirt and jeans – He’s so flashy. AND FINALLY THE WINNER IS . . . . . Scotty aka Howdy Doody! So ends another season. Now that Survivor is off and now AI is off – I’m going to have to find something to do to fill the time . . . . Oh, I know . . . . there’s a bar right down the street! So that’s it my fellow ART’ies. Until next year. DJ Jumper, ART President.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Well, the rumor mill and all the idol message boards are predicting that Scotty will take it. It’s a draw for me. Ryan. Whoa! The dufus has a tux on! Well, a dufus in a tux is still a dufus! And the battle begins! First up – Scotty – ‘Gone’ – Leather jacket printed purple crew neck that was way to big for him and jeans. Maybe if he wins he’ll get a good stylist! He did his usual with this one. He had fun with it and was all over the stage. All in all a pudry darn good job! . . . . Lauren – ‘Flat on the Floor’ – Black shirt, silver jacket, black leggings, boots, can you say tacky?!? She sounded just a little shaky on this one. I know she strained her vocal chord so I’m sure that’s not helping. She did OK but didn’t blow me away . . . . . Round 1 to me goes to Scotty . . . . Round 2! – Scotty – ‘Check Yes Or No’ – chosen for him by George Strait. Red plaid shirt and jeans – He’s worn that shirt before! Well, George Strait he ain;t, but who is? He did a fair job though. In comparison to George, it would be a no. For Scotty it would be a good job . . . . Lauren – ‘Maybe It Was Memphis’ – Chosen for her by Carrie Underwood. Carrie chose a Pam Tillis song, interesting. She has adorned herself in this gawd awful gold short pageant dress and silver boots! My eyes! My eyes! That was just wrong people! Just wrong! On this one she seemed a little rushed like she was just trying to get through it. All of it seemed forced. Round 2 – Gotta give it to Scotty again . . . . As for the ‘Positive’ song performed by whoever that was, all I can say is that I am positive that I will not be downloading that song! Round 3 – Scotty – ‘I Love You This Big’ – Gray jacket, white shirt and jeans. If he does get a stylist, they have got one heck of a job in front of them! I really liked the lyrics to this song. With nothing to compare it to, I actually liked it. I’m sure the studio version will be much better. He did a good job on that one. Good song for him really fit his voice . . . . Lauren – ‘Like My Mother Does’ – Here we go again with a long pageant type white dress and the pageant hair. Maybe she’s going for the Loretta Lynn thang? Not sure what she’s doing. Again, I really like the lyrics of the song and this was as well a good song for her. It fit her voice and when she walked out and started singing to her mother, that was cool. I’m sure that racked her up some vote’s right there. She did a good job on the song and she sang it with some passion. Yeah, she went off here and there but it’s the best she’s done tonight. Round 3, Gonna go with Lauren . . . . So after all the songs (and endless commercials! – song, commercial, song commercial, song commercial, song commercial! ) – I’m still going to go with the rumor mill and say it’s going to be a Scotty win. But, with the way voting has gone this season – Who the hell knows! . . . . So who do we add to the list? Season 1 – Kelly Clarkson, still around and singing great!, Season 2 – Rueben Studdard (Who?), Season 3, Fantasia Barrino, doing good on Broadway, Season 4, Carrie Underwood, megahit!, Season 5, Taylor Hicks, The true version of an American Idol one night stand – his record label dropped him the day after they signed him, Season 6, Jordin Sparks, done a little, not a lot. Season 7, David Cook, had some good hits, Season 8, Kris Allen (Who?), Season 9, Lee DeWyze (Who?) and for season 10 . . . . . . We’ll find out tomorrow night but I was so close to going ahead and typing Scotty’s name . . . . . We’ll see! DJ Jumper ART President
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Yeah, Yeah, I know I missed last week. Well, I didn’t miss it – still upset! Don’t know why though, a rocker has never won this competition and never will. The highest they get is 3rd or 4th and that’s as far as they go. What’s wrong America? Rock is not dead! If it wasn’t for rock, well, never mind! Now that Pia and James are gone – just pick a winner and ‘get r done’. They got three songs each and the show being mostly commercials – that’ll fill up the two hours! . . . . Ryan, I wonder if he’ll ever retire that suit. Better yet, he just needs to retire. First up – Scotty – ‘Amazed’ – Jean jacket, plaid shirt, jeans – seriously people! Seriously! That is totally Howdy Doofy! Perfect song choice for him. Totally fit his voice and he did his usual impersonation. Sorry Scotty fans, just no originality here! . . . Lauren – ‘Wild One’ – Red and White hip length cool shirt, jeans tucked into white boots. Looked like a walking flag. Is it me or is her caboose really growing? That was so-so for me. Of course the judges loved it – they would love a funeral! She’s done better. Nope, she didn’t sell me on that one. . . . Haley – ‘What Is’ – Sweet black dress that was way HOT! Awesome shoes – again, totally HOT! Her dad played the guitar – that was cool! She totally rocked that out! She outshined the other two with the first words that came out of her mouth. Awesome job! – Round 1 goes to Haley! . . . Scotty – ‘Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or What?’ – Blue plaid shirt and jeans – whadevah! – Love Thompson Square and that was a good song choice for him. More upbeat than his usual and much better than round 1 – this one I liked . . . . . Lauren – ‘If I Die Young’ – Another black and White prom dress. Black top big ole white skirt and I do mean big ole! Got her doing the Band Perry – love them too! She did much better on this one than the last one. It was a great song choice for her and it fit her voice. This one wasn’t bad at all. Did ya’ll notice the t-shirts her family had on? Now if that ain’t white trailer trash I don’t know what is! Seriously! I mean, show your support, but do it with taste! . . . . Haley – ‘Rhiannon’ - Short gray dress that she is once again totally rockin! Loved it when they turned the wind on her – HOT! I didn’t like this song choice for her. Nobody messes with Stevie! She started off OK on this and then totally lost it when the band kicked in. Her first one was much better. Huge Stevie fan here so can’t nobody compare to her in my book. Round 2 – pick somebody. Scotty – ‘She Believes In Me’ – Black jacket, printed white crew neck (no surprise on the crew neck), jeans, Oh well, Prada, he ain’t! That was just WAY to whiney for me – If he added just a little more whine, he’d be vintage! Lauren – ‘I Hope You Dance’ – Another pageant gown! More pageant hair! I get it now – she’s running for Miss Idol! She was way ahead of the music on that one! It seemed too rushed and this is a song that you don’t rush. She acted like she just wanted to get it over with. Again – she didn’t sell it . . . . . Haley – ‘You Outta Know’ – Blue shirt, black pants, awesome shoes. She tried to force this one out to much. She didn’t need that much force in the song. She went overboard to me. Round 3 – Another draw . . . . . We’ll see who gets the boot tonight – With the way the voting has gone this season – like I said – just pick a winner and ‘get r done! DJ Jumper, ART President
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Top 4 perform. Ryan, I’ll be so glad when I don’t have to look at the dweeb anymore, and that damn gray suit! . . . . The final 4, Haley, Scotty, James, and Lauren. Only 14 days people – just 14 days. Damn, this season flew by! James, - ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ – Love Journey – still go to their concerts! The little Chinese guy sounds just like Steve Perry. He’s awesome. He just can’t talk. James has on all black again with a cool Tux jacket with tails – it’s black and we all know Steve only did white. James has the blonde hi-lights going on in his hair, guess it’s time for me to get them put back in mine – summer is here. Well, Steve Perry he ain’t, who is – except for the Chinese guy. He went off on the high notes to me on that one. He’s done better but then again I couldn’t help but compare it to Steve and the Chinese guy. I really need to find out that Chinese guys name . . . . Haley – ‘????’ – Hair up and all fluffy. Big ole matronly sequenced shirt on and shiny black pants. Looked like a soccer mom headed to a company function, ya know, like a drag queen. I have never heard that song before and don’t care to hear it again. I totally agree with Randy – she yelled pretty much all of that song. Even Jennifer said the same thing. Steven just needs to go to rehab and get off of the ‘love everything’ pills. It can be done! . . . .Scotty - ‘Where Were You’ – OMG, This Scotty The Body crap has got to stop. This dude obviously runs from the weight room. He did the Johnny Cash look – all black. Love this song, awesome song. Thought it was a great song choice for him but he mumbled most of it. Couldn’t understand most of the words because of the mumbling. He’s done better. . . . Lauren – ‘Anyway’ – She looked like a saloon hooker! No other way to describe that outfit! Just think about a saloon hooker and you got it! However, she did Martina proud on that one. Great vocals, good song choice for her. . . . . Round One in order, Lauren, Scotty, James, and Haley . . . . Round 2 . . . .We got Lady GaGa mentoring. Interesting choice. She looked like a skunk in drag, in other words – normal. This chick is sooo out there. . . . Haley – ‘I Who Have Nothing’ - Hair still up and fluffy, black cocktail dress, I’ll have a Jack and Coke please. Now that was 150 times better than she did on the first one. There was a lot of passion in that. She totally felt the song and it showed. She totally redeemed herself. Awesome job. . . . Scotty – ‘Young Blood’ – Red plaid long sleeve shirt that was way cool – because I own that shirt. His normal jeans and boots. That was so-so and I’m being kind. Those facial expressions just crack me up. He reminded me of Opie doing standup! . . . . . Lauren – ‘Trouble’ – She looked like she just stepped off of the Dynasty set. Totally 80’s. Big hair, big shoulders, Big hips. That was totally ‘cheesy’ to me. That’s it, nuff said, just way to cheesy. . . . . James – ‘Love Potion Number 9’ – Black leather jacket, red printed tee, jeans, again, all James. I was like ‘Seriously?’ when I heard he was singing this but that was fun! He had fun with the song and rocked the song out. He totally made that his own. Great job. . . . . Part 2 in order for me, Haley, James, Lauren and then Scotty. I have no clue as to who goes home tonight. Just a crap shoot at this point. Down to the wire my fellow ART’ies. How many of you are watching The Voice. Anyone interested in a blog on ‘The Voice’? Let me know. Peace out, DJ Jumper, ART President.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Top 5 to top 4 . . . . Ryan – Look its ‘Geeves’ – Go get me a beer and make sure it has two limes in it! . . . . Top 5 Group Song – ‘Happy Together’ – I ran outta crackers wid all that cheese they were slingin! . . . . So they sent them to Hells Kitchen and asked them all to make an omelet in 10 minutes – Lauren was the clear winner – she’s from the South – nuff said! . . . . Lady Antebellum – ‘Just A Kiss’ – I was hoping they would do ‘American Honey’ so that after they finished they could walk over to Scotty and Haley and say ‘Now that is the way the song should be sung – Don’t do that again! . , . . Did ya’ll notice Scotty in the segment they did on picking the song to sing – the dude had on gray short, tennis shoes and BLACK SOCKS! – BLACK SOCKS people! Seriously! What no wing tips? . . . . Here we go – James up first and after all the usual critiques he is sent to stand on the far side of the stage (like none of us can see what’s coming – they have done this for 10 friggin years!) They head back to another segment of Drama Queen and Lauren doing a head to head on a blind taste test – Drama Queen takes a bite of a hot dog and says it taste like sausage . . . . You people know me so I’m going to do ya’ll a HUGE favor and leave that one alone! . . . . . Next up Jennifer singing her new single ‘On The Floor’ – Just when the HELL did the MC Hammer pants come back in style? Please tell me they aren’t – those are so wrong on so many levels! I actually do like the song though and she actually brought it! – Then they cut to her ‘I’m Into You’ video – How many noticed that looked an awful lot like Janet Jackson’s ‘Miss You Much’ video? Don’t believe it? Look it up on youtube! . . . . Drama Queen joins Lauren, Haley joins James – yep, so know what’s coming! Mr. Fake Tan calls up Scotty and immediately tells him he’s safe and asks him to go stand with the group the he thinks is safe. Scotty of course would not do it – Good for him – this crap is so old! So our bottom 2 are Lauren and Drama Queen . . . . . (The anticipation is KILLIN me!) Lauren immediately turns on the water works and after a slight hesitation Mr. Sears Suit announces that FINALLY THE DRAMA QUEEN IS EXITING THE BUILDING! ! ! ! ! ! Praise JESUS! Bout TIME, Don’t let the door hit you on your way out! Head on back to da church! Just GET OUT! . . . . To sum up, he won’t be joining us next week. So now we are down to the top 4. I see a Haley, James show down . . . . . . Until next week! DJ Jumper, ART President
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Top 5 perform . . . . Ryan, He really does look like a Sears’s mannequin! . . . . Mentor this week is Sheryl Crow. She’s cool. Did ya’ll know that Fleetwood Mac was looking at replacing Christine McVie with her when she left the group? . . . . . James – ‘Closer to the Edge’ – Rocker vest, sleeveless shirt, black jeans, chain from the side, all of it James. He needs me to train him on them arms though. I could get those arms in shape! He as usual rocked that out. He worked the crowd and stage great. Dude is at home. Awesome job . . . . Drama Queen - ‘No Air’ – Black jacket with big ole white trim, white v neck t, black pants, he looked like a Polaroid negative. Yep, I hated it. Nuff said. Well, I’ll just add that I can’t stand him. Hold on a sec! Randy didn’t like it! Well, Randy finally woke up! . . . . Lauren – ‘????’ – All black with silver fringe type adornments hanging from her neck and waist. Hip boots were HOT and her hair was pillow worthy! She looked HOT! Yep, right song for her. Glad she did something more up tempo. She rocked that in her own way. Not to bad, not to bad at all . . . . Scotty - ‘Gone’ – Again Mr. Plastic Face calls him ‘Scotty The Body’ – me laughs! Jean jacket, gap shirt, jeans and boots, lather rinse repeat! Right song for him and like Lauren glad he did something more up tempo. It was much better than last week. Those facial expressions are just laughable though . . . . Haley – ‘You And I’ – Now she is SMOAKIN! And I mean SMOKIN HOT! Black leather sleeveless that hugged her body in all the right places and those awesome semi sequined taupe pants that like her shirt hugged her in all the right places! DAYUM! Never heard this song before and according to the judges hasn’t been released yet so I have nothing to compare it to . . . . So, she sang OK on it to me. Jennifer had a good point. People want to compare to what they are familiar with so this song choice may have hurt her . . . . Round 2 . . . . James – ‘Without You’ – Black Henley with chains, black and white striped pants, great arm wear. He pulled it off. Ah, we have tears. Grow a pair! He did really great on the high notes but to me fell short when he tried to sing the low parts. He can’t do low. Also agree with Randy here, the low notes fell flat but all in all I’ll give it a pass . . . . Drama Queen – ‘Love Hurts’ – Gray suit, purple shirt, pass the collection plate. Ya’ll sitting down? I actually like the way he started it off! But, as usual he went into his over dramatic style and ruined the whole damn thing! After that I quit listening . . . . Lauren ‘–‘Unchained Melody’ – Blue and White pageant dress with the accompanying pageant hair – If I was judging her in a pageant she’s probably be 4th. Yes, I judge beauty pageants. Believe it or not directors have trouble finding men to judge beauty pageants – they call me – I go! The song was way too big for her. Some songs should just be left alone and this is one of them. She couldn’t pull off the high parts when she needed to . . . . Scotty - ‘Always On My Mind’ – Black jacket, light gray shirt, jeans, boots, Boring, Boring, Boring (but Prada he ain’t) OK Scotty fans – even ya’ll have to admit that he went off key on a lot of that. And for me he was to ‘twangy’ so I sum it up this way – outfit was boring and so was the performance . . . . Haley - ‘House of The Rising Sun’ – Different black shirt that was also just as sweet! Smokin pants with the holes in the knees – Baby, she had it all on the money tonight! When I heard she was singing this I thought, hmmmmm, but did she ever prove me wrong! That was pure DOPE! Best I have EVER heard her do! Totally the best performance of the night and the perfect way to close the show! That was AWESOME! . . . . . So there you have it . . . . We’re getting closer people! Is it REALLY May already?!? We’ll see who is sent a packin tonight – Ya’ll know who I want outta there! DJ Jumper, ART President
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Top 6 cut – Who’s going home? . . . . Ryan, he’s just a cheesy goober . . . . They start off with a melody of Carol King songs. If I was Carol, I would run straight to my lawyers and sue every one of them! That was just terrible. All of them was as off as wearing brown shoes with black pants! That was just wrong! I literally burst out with laughter at how terrible it was, especially when the Drama Queen piped in . . . . Cyrstal Bowesox – ‘Riding With The Rodeo’ – She looked her usual. Her hair was much tamer, not as ratty. Cool crochet shirt, blue vest, boots and jeans. Still think she should have won last year. We all know how that went down. Crystal out sang Lee. Lee out fanned Crystal . . . . Did yall notice Casey sitting on the couch biting his nails? He’s so classy. I could take yall through all the draggin out of the verdict that they did. I have never seen a show in my life that can fill an hour with so much fluff. Can you remember when the elimination shows were only 30 minutes? I can. These writers must have a friggin degree in Fluff! So to make this simple it boils down like this . . . . James, safe . . . . Lauren, safe . . . . Haley, safe . . . . So the bottom three are, Drama Queen, Scotty and Casey. The first thing Mr. Personality does is send that dammed Drama Queen back to safety. I seriously have no idea what the hell people see in this fool. Between Scotty and Casey, its Casey’s last turn at bat. The game is over for him and now he can sit on his own couch and bite his nails in them ugly shorts that he seems to love so much. At the beginning of the show Mr. Gray Flannel Suit says that everyone will be so disappointed with who was going home tonight, he was correct. I could have put up with another week of Casey . . . . Have no desire to hear the Drama Queen ever again. That’s it for another week and we have our top 5 . . . . There is only one that I consider top material at this point and that’s James. The others just need to be weeded out. Ya’ll have a great weekend – Catch you next week! DJ Jumper, ART President.