Season 10 - Guys Night - 03/01/10

Season 10 people! Season 10! That means I was just 29 when I started this.

Who will we add to the list?

Season 1 – Kelly Clarkson
Season 2 – Rueben Studdard
Season 3 – Fantasia Barrino
Season 4 – Carrie Underwood
Season 5 – Taylor Hicks (The true version of an idol one night stand – his contract was dropped faster than Ruebens!)
Season 6 – Jordin Sparks
Season 7 – David Cook
Season 8 – Kris Allen
Season 9 - Lee DeWyze
Season 10 - ????????

OK – Let’s go!

Ryan – Ya’ll recognize the suit don’t ya! He’s worn that same ole black suit for the past 8 years! He’s such an old man! His hair does look better though so I’ll give him props on dat but that’s it! I’m thinking hair plugs. Maybe, just maybe the blue/grey shirt he had on was new but I doubt it! We’ll see that one again.

Just a side note – I want to be like Steven Tyler when I grow up!

Clint Jun Gomboa – ‘Superstition’ – Black sweater with black leather trim, plaid shirt, ugly black pants, were those felt? – And some fugly red shoes. He got all of that from B-Blah Inc. Dude, all those glasses are missing is the mustache and bushy eyebrows. Go to H Ruben and either get a new updated pair or get contacts. Seriously? The judges liked it but I don’t think this showed off his voice at all. He has sounded much better with other songs that he sang. For me it was just a big ole . . . . NEXT! . . .

Jovany Baretto – ‘Greatest Time of Your Life’ Grey vest, grey pants, white shirt, arm wear was cool but the rest was Sunday School – all he needed was a bible in his hand. He needed one to pray for a better performance. I mean he hit the high notes good but that started off way to slow and shaky. He can do better than that. Song choice sucked. Get it together Jovanny.

Jordan Dorsey – ‘Love You Down’ – black jacket, black pants, purple v-neck tee. At least he got the v-neck right – crew is dead! I liked the purple v-neck tee because I have it – I fill mine out a lot better though – thousands of people can’t be wrong. I can sum that up in two words, which are – ‘Sucked A$$’. Ain’t nobody gonna love him down, up, over or under after dat! Pitchy, off key, all over the place. I’m surprised Usher didn’t send someone out on the stage to point their finger in his face and say ‘Oh NO you didn’t!’ – Gonna give that one a . . . . See ya!

Tim Helperin – ‘Come on Over’ – Black jacket, green patterned shirt left open and out – black tee – should have been V – LEARN PEOPLE! All in all the attire was OK – it worked for him so I’ll give it a pass. He sang ‘Come On Over’ – made me want to ‘Leave Right Now’ - totally the wrong song for him - Did nothing for him – Bad choice bro. Nope – not good. Tim who?

Brett Lowenstein – ‘Light My Fire’ – OMG! – Every season has one that just grates on my nerves and . . . . Here he is! Green crew tee (I expected this of him) – gray vest, jeans, arm and neckwear were OK but ya know, there ain’t no way you can dress that up! Watching that was like watching bad porn and YES!, there is such a thing! That was awful – Jim is rising from the grave as I write this to do a line and get that out of his head for all eternity! Hell, even I may have to!

James Durbin – ‘Another Thing Coming’ – Cool black shirt over a green v-neck (He got it right!) – Black pants, cool shoes, Hair and arm wear was KICKIN!. Totally worked for him – good job bro! FINALLY! That was awesome! Dude knows who he is – knows the right song to pick and knows how to sing it! He rocked that! High notes were custard and cream! Now that's the way to do it! He’s the one that was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome so I’ll say it . . . . .That was &*&*&( *(#*^&$*&# &*(#*&($#() AWESOME!

Robbie Rosen – ‘Arms of The Angel’ – Whoa! That thing is huge! The 5 words every guy wants to hear but not when they are talking about your nose. Ah, come on – If I didn’t say it – you would! Black jacket, white printed tee, black pants – wake me when he gets some style and wake me when this is over! He sounded like the angel was squeezing the air out of his lungs! I’ve heard this guy belt out much better stuff than this before – totally wrong song choice. I expected more from him. To me he sang like he had a big ole noogie in that honker. Tissue please!

Scotty McCreery – ‘Letter from Home’ – Black leather jacket, plaid black/white shirt and jeans – Wow, how unlike him. Boring! OK, is it just me? I mean am I the only one that doesn’t see Howdy Doody here? – I mean a few freckles; add some string and you got a show! And, them facial expressions – That must be one hell of a math problem he got goin on in his head – you know something as hard as 2 + 2 . . . . or nawt times 4. Anywhooo, he picked a song that totally fit his voice and he did good on it. I’m just waiting for him to shake his Josh Turner wanna be image and find his own niche.

Stephano Langone – ‘Just the Way You Are’ – Cool black leather jacket, red v-neck (Yep, kudos for getting it right!) dark jeans – red v-neck was totally cool – yes, I have that one too. The v on mine is lower – it’s called the deep V – shows the cuts in my chest. Again – thousands of people can’t be wrong. He was real shaky in parts of that and some of them high notes he hit sent da boys runnin north! I didn’t get it – Judges loved it – I’ve already forgotten it – except that he had on my shirt and it didn’t look as good on him.



Paul McDonald – ‘Maggie May’ – Black jacket, Black shirt, Black pants, killer boots – Now this is the way you wear all black! Yes, this is the way I wear it – minus the flower! Oh, and the belt was killer! OK now – this was the perfect song choice for him. Did ya’ll hear him sing Blackbird? He did awesome on that to. The whole thing was cake! Dude totally nailed it. Best of the night so far!

Jacob Lusk – ‘I have NO idea what that song was – somebody fill me in!) – Black suit, beige shirt and one frog ugly tie. Sorry Jacob fans but this guy just isn’t my style. That was totally boring to me. I enjoy a stomach virus more. I couldn’t understand a word that was coming outta his mouth. He has sounded better but he’s one of those that I can’t look when he sings. I mean, when he opens his mouth – his face disappears. As the Men on Film so aptly uttered those famous words . . . . ‘Hated it!’

Casey Abrams – ‘Spell On You’ – Black suit, green shirt, stripped crew (dumb azz) under – and the shoes sucked. He looks like that guy from Knocked up – can’t remember his name – but don’t he?!? He yelled most of that song. I totally didn’t feel anything for that except relief when it was over. Liked him better during the Hollywood round. He needs to pick it up. He can do better than that.

Me thinks the nerves got to most of these fellers tonight – some of these guys are good and it just didn’t show tonight – Oh well, first show is over and we’ll see what happens from here.

There were two total standouts here – Paul and James in that order. The others – just pick two and send someone to help them pack.

Girls tomorrow night . . . . .

Peace out!

DJ Jumper
ART President