Top 12 - 03/16/10

Are we start off wid the top 12. Top 12?!? Seriously?!? – This is the top 12?!? . . . . hmmmmmm.

They get makeovers at the top 12 – we’ll see if they look better.

Ryan – Lather, Rinse, Repeat . . . . . Lather, Rinse, Repeat . . . . Lather, Rinse, Repeat . . . . Get the idea . . . .

Warning – I’m in a mood . . . . . tired of all this bad singin!

These two hour shows are starting to cut into my muscle growing time. Everybody knows your muscles grow when you sleep – I want to be put completely under for about a month and see if I can make some progress! The whole thing would not last near as long if it wasn’t for the DAMN commercials! I friggin HATE commercials! Remember back in the day when you could watch part of another show during a commercial break? Now the a-holes have timed it so that all the commercials are at the same time on every damn channel and they run MUCH longer! Have you noticed that?!? I say everybody boycott everything that is marketed through TV commercials! I can take just so much of this crap being jammed down my throat! I don’t give a rat’s azz if the broom falls in love with the rake! OK – I will step down off of my soap box now . . . . .

We have the Rolling Stones this week - Stone(d) being the keyword here. Has Keith Richards ever been clean? Just askin . . . .

Michael – (OK! – OK! – He and his wife had a baby! We’re HEARD IT! WE HEAR IT EVERY DAMN WEEK! Move the ‘F’ ON! – I am sick and tired of hearing their stories over and over and over and over and over and over . . . . . all the tears – all the sorrow – What is the Hallmark Channel?!? . . . . . Anywhoooo – ‘Miss You’ – Cool black shirt with the white stitching – got one just like it – if he were a true personal trainer it would fit him correctly. Mine fits me to a ‘t’. Black pants – big woooo. I didn’t care at all for this remake. Honestly – I’m glad he went first so he could do what he was gonna do and get off the stage – I just don’t like this guy. He bugs the hell outta me. He thinks he’s all dat and he so ain’t. Couldn’t do much of a makeover on dat – looked the same to me. In summary – I didn’t particularly enjoy that performance.

Didi – ‘Play with Fire’ – Black spaghetti strap shirt, jeans tucked into the boots (looks like it cuts her in half – she would look so much taller if she would not do that!) – Her hair looked like it was lacquered to her head – Yeah; they made her over all right – to look like a Friday night hooker special. Was she trying to be sexy or sultry? Neither one came across. She just can’t do those. She did her usual pushed, missed the mark performance. The high notes made me grab the remote and turn it down! I am just sooooo not feelin this chick.

Casey – ‘Its All Over Now’ – Love the black shirt with the red on the shoulders and across the chest – black pants - only have one problem with this – it’s the same outfit every week just in a different color. He needs to switch things up – this is getting old. His hair was way to big tonight – reminds me of the time they redid Bucky and he had the Jessica Simpson hair. OK didn’t hate this but didn’t love it either. It was his usual and his usual is starting to be . . . . Well, to usual. Dude needs to step it up and agree with Simon it wasn’t incredible.

Lacey – ‘Ruby Tuesday’ – Black/white stripped one shoulder shirt (here we go again) – looked like brown gauze wrapped around the middle of it (WTH?) – Black skirt - that top was just too weird – but I did like the high top black boots – SWEET! That sucked people! Judges say it was 50/50 – I say 95/5 – with 95 being the suck factor. She was so good last week and totally disappointed me this week. Goodbye Ruby? . . . . Goodbye Lacey! She looked the same – no big makeover on her – except the hair kinda resembled a crippled tree reaching toward heaven . . . . .

Andrew – ‘Give Me Shelter’ – Gray jacket, red shirt, jeans – all of it . . . . . wrong! I am so over this guy. He is as exciting as an empty bong! I was bored two seconds into it. He should have gone home last week – I would have rather heard Alex sing again instead of this guy. Yawn, Yawn, Yawn . . . . And has he never heard of contacts? Makeover – not much you can do wid it.

Katie – ‘Wild Horses’ – That dress was way to old for her – necklace – way to old for her – granny belt – dress made he look like a graffiti wall. Her mom actually ain’t bad though! That entire redo was a total miss. Randy said she sang that well?!? Now I know who stole my speed! That was pitchy all over the place. I said it before and I’ll say it again – these judges are just trying to convince us at home that these people have talent – I’m not convinced yet. That sucked . . . . . and so did the makeover!

Tim – ‘Under My Thumb’ – Black/gray tight Henley and jeans – shirt looked good on him – I however have a blue/black one just like it and I totally rock that shirt – fill it in like it should be. He needs to work on da chest. When I heard he was doing this song I said . . . . He gonna screw that up . . . . Well, he didn’t totally screw it but that was so the wrong song choice for him. He was so much better last week and I was hoping he’d stay the course. For him it was OK – Do I think he’ll be back – yep – tennies are gonna wanna look at him another week or so.

Siobhan – ‘Paint It Black’ - (I sooo want to call her Soybean! – I wondered where a name like that could possible come from and once I saw her parents – I understood. They are still high. Black strapless fluffy dress to match her newly fluffed hair - and them gawd awful boots. I didn’t care for this song choice for her – she totally pulled it off but I have liked her better the past couple of weeks but I mean come on – it’s the stones! Was she even alive when their music was popular? Anyway – I’ll give her a good job on that one and let it go. Didn’t care for her re-make – to fluffy.

Lee – ‘Beast of Burdon’ – Awesome gray leather jacket – I have it – it’s made by Guess – black crew ‘t’ – so should have been v-neck (Come on Lee!) – Jeans – it was all cool. This is one of my favorite stoned songs! He slowed it down a bit and I totally loved that. FINALLY somebody with some talent! Simon says he has no personality – the dude is just shy – Hell, I’m shy – just check out my facebook page and you’ll see how shy I am. I’m totally in introvert too! Dude is awesome and my fav on the show! AWESOME JOB!

Paige – ‘Honky Tonk Woman’ – Brown one piece short outfit – black leggings and brown boots – Who da hell made her over? Twiggy? OK – she ain’t gonna get no honky tonk man singin that way! I’ll give her a little leeway because she has been sick and had laryngitis – but I am being VERY lenient here! Nah – never mind – that wasn’t good . . . . turn da Paige!

Aaron – ‘Angie’ – Brown leather jacket, white printed ‘t’ – like the ‘t’ - still should have been v-neck – jeans – for his age – I’ll let him slide. They did a redo on him and gave him Ellen hair but on him the hair worked – on Ellen it doesn’t. This wasn’t to bad at all – this was a good song choice for him – didn’t over sing it – didn’t blow me away – but didn’t make me hurl either. I’ll give it a pass.

Crystal – ‘You Can’t Always Get What You Want’ – Black shirt, black pants, black bling and believe it or not I was not mortified by her hair tonight. It looked cleaner and looked better pulled back like that. OK – I really like this girl and she did an awesome job as usual but she so gotta cheer up! She is extremely talented and I love her Joplin style. Come on Crystal – liven up there babe – you’re awesome!

OK – I have to say that while I was bitching about the zillion commercials – I have to admit that when Mr. Hill rubs the balloons in his hair to create the electrical shock to bring Scooter back to life. . . . . I ‘f-in’ laugh EVERYTIME! – I mean the look on that creatures face is so dam priceless – it’s like ‘WTF just happened – I was just sleepin dude?!?

My fav’s (and in this order) Lee, Crystal and Soybean.

As long as those three stay send home who the hell ever.

Totally rockin my new black Armani v-neck ‘t’ today - I just got in ‘a couple’ of things I ordered from the very talented designer! . . . . .

Catch ya’ll later,

DJ Jumper
ART President